On to Being Me

I spent most of January talking about life, well most of January was not blogging because of everything else (i.e., Life!) However, when I did, it was about life. It was about how I wanted to just accept life and live it. Still learning that little tip.

This month, well - tomorrow, February, I want to focus on the first part of my blog title. Being me.

I used to be nostalgic of what I thought was "old me." However, "old me" didn't always make me happy either. I was fairly outgoing in my teen years, yet I was also impulsive and self-centered (which teen isn't?) When I got to college, I realized I wasn't as outgoing as I thought I was. Self-doubt and depression has been a part of my life for the past 20 years, and I looked to what I thought was "old me" often. 12 years ago I married the love of my life, and he knew me in the "old me" days. Some of that came back, and I was happy. I learned to find the old and mix in what I had learned over the years to create a "new me." For the most part I was happy with the "new me" but more depression and self-doubt had me questioning myself again.

The past 5 years I have been actively working on me. Physical me, social me, spiritual me. Some days, weeks, months and years are better than others. Recently I had my 20 year High School Reunion and I can say I went to that confident and didn't question who I was. It felt good. Yeah, I could have weighed 50 lbs less, but I really knew who I was and where I was in life. That was 6 months ago, and I already feel a "remaking" of me coming on! It's not a bad thing, I think it's our purpose in life. I've recently moved and gotten to know new people, and it's made me think more about how I appear. I had become complacent with myself and my attitudes with my friends I have had for the past 5 years. When you meet new people, you somehow end up evaluating how the current "real you" comes off.

One goal for this next month is to try and reach out to one friend a day. It doesn't seem that difficult, but just to spark an old friendship or kindle a new one. Be kind and be who I want to be. I enjoy being around others, and I think putting that out there will in turn rejuvenate myself into being more social, friendly and overall happier. I am grateful for friendships and this month I want to show it.

The other is just to start each day by paying some attention to me. I have to expend so much energy for others (family, school, etc.) that I get lost. Little things like watching a video or reading an article that interests me, or taking the time to make sure I have my favorite outfits and jewelry, make me feel more like ME. If taking care of others makes me forget what it is about myself I like, then I need to step back and change things. A key factor in that is getting enough sleep so I can wake up rested and get ready, not sleep in and rush around. I know that my day is better when I look nice, am properly nourished and get my "wake-up" time in the morning!

I'm getting old enough that I know what makes and keeps me happy! Call it routine, but I call it keys to happiness :)