I slipped back into "old ways" today. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, we all act or react in ways that don't make us proud. For the past few years I have REALLY worked on my behavior, tone, attitude with my family. Sometimes the initial snarky response still comes out and then I immediately correct and apologize. I have gotten so good that I can even edit in my head and have the positive response come first!
Enter stress. It makes me cranky. It makes me rude, and then I realize that others in my family are being rude too. So, thus the reason I am actively working on being better. Enjoying the moment, and not sweating the small stuff. What do I do when things go wrong? Try the Oh Well method and move on. Smile about it. Think of ways it could be worse and stay positive.
Except for today. Now, it wasn't just today. I've seen my attitude slipping around the holidays when we were hosting family and friends, children were busy and others in our family had medical needs. I think that was a lot of the reason I felt the Christmas Spirit lacking. New Year's Eve I was not feeling the joy that I normally do by entertaining friends, even though I really am glad we did. The small moments that don't quite feel right are what sparked me into more actively working on my gratitude and attitude.
Back to today. Medical needs again, long wait, not perfect news. After the visit the husband said to meet him for lunch. Ok, daughter and I are both not wanting to eat fast food, but sure. On the way, traffic and misdirection. All for lunch at a fast food place I could do without. What do I do? Greet the husband with frustration about the drive and complain that all that effort was made for something I didn't really want. Impression made? That I didn't want to spend the time with him, and a half hour where we could have been enjoying the precious moments were wasted. Sigh...
First off, I am so glad I have an amazing husband where this won't be an issue. It's just a small little pebble in our road of life, and our marriage has great off-road tires :) For myself though, to move on and really work on my attitude, I need to increase my gratitude. I am sorry for those hours where I could have been a happier person and also spread that joy to others.
I am thankful that I have a car that gets me were I need to go and live in a town where great medical care is 20 minutes away. I am thankful I have a husband who supports our family, and I get to stay home to deal with the medical, physical, personal, educational, spiritual and emotional needs of our children. I am also grateful he thought to spend his lunch hour on a busy day with his two girls. I am thankful we can afford the small luxuries like eating out every now and then. Mostly I am thankful for forgiveness that we can make mistakes and move on.
If you haven't read about the 1000 Gifts - I encourage you to do so! It's not to late to start recording your 1000 gifts!
January's Joy Dare