I realize as I look back, most of my "I need to change" thoughts are revolved around fitness, health and yes - weight. 

Mostly, I just want to change things up because more than my weight it's how I feel. I've dealt with depression before, and slowly as I get older anxiety becomes part of the problem too. For the past 4 years I was heavily involved in volunteering and this year I stepped back a bit because I felt I had to. I was fried and worn out. I started the school year having a knee surgery so I told myself I had to rest anyways - so I did less. Then, I got better but I still did less. I was "recuperating." Then, I could feel it. The depression was sinking in, I was ok but I wasn't. 

I found an article about "High Functioning Depression" and it fit me to a tee. Some of the quotes out of that article are: 

"From the outside I look like I have it all together, but the truth is I find everything exhausting. Getting up, eating breakfast, taking my kids to school ― all of it saps my energy. I walk around in a state of perpetual exhaustion"

"Just because I seem successful and look like I have it all together doesn’t mean I can’t be 5 minutes or one bad experience away from a total breakdown. And that fact scares the hell out of me."

I relate to these quotes very much so. I also have my husband home full-time, and it became easier to retreat because he was home - first taking care of matter the surgery and then just when I wasn't "feeling good." 

I'm working on figuring out if my hormones have a lot to say about this, and as well as my overall health and wellness. I know that eating better and being active helps, but it's hard to get started. We always eat fairly healthy, but it comes down to how many times we indulge the desire for treats, fried foods etc. 

I know that self-diagnosis isn't the way to go - but I have come down to a few conclusions about myself and am working on holistic methods to help alleviate the symptoms. 

1) I am fairly certain I have PCOS. I have OB/GYNs who won't diagnose me but I also don't bug them. Basically, I've had 3 different ultrasounds and I don't have cysts. BUT I very well may have the type of PCOS that doesn't produce large painful cysts, or I get them yet they haven't been discovered yet. Either way, I have all the symptoms so I am taking supplements that help with PCOS (whether I have it or not, it will still help the symptoms!) 
2) I've considered that I have fibromyalgia, but I'm not sure. So, I'm following diet and exercise that would alleviate the same symptoms. 

My goal is to see if I get results from the supplements and the diet/exercise. I am not on a certain plan. I'm not Paleo, I'm not AIP, I'm not low-carb. I try to eat fewer carbs and eliminate white bread and sugar. I will eat whole wheat, but I'm trying to limit it. I eat rice, oats, potatoes. I am trying to increase the protein but I still don't get there every day - but it's more than I used to! I haven't cut dairy, but if I don't get positive results after a few weeks I think I will try. I did trim caffeine, and only have some via a green tea drink. Yesterday I didn't have any, and I'm waiting for the withdrawals - today will be day 2 unless I have a Bai Bubbles later ; 

No reason for this blog really - except just to record it somewhere. To come back and check in on! 



I often say I feel "itchy" - and while occasionally it is true in the literal sense, this is more in my soul. I feel it on the inside. There is truth to the "Seven Year Itch" but I have no desire to leave my husband! This is more about change, moving forward, becoming who you were meant to be!

My "itch" has been going on for a while - truthfully my itches are more often than every 7 years. The past 6 years I have been very active in PTA and volunteering. I ramped it up about 5 years ago, and then last year after I served subsequent 2 year terms as a VP and then President, I drastically slowed it down. The idea was that I was going to do something else. I did get back into Substitute Teaching (not really as much as I had initially planned.) I was going to do other things - maybe get a Realtor license? Finally finish all my scrapbooks? Write a short novella? (No... never one of the ideas, but if anyone asked why I dropped off the face of the volunteering planet it was a good enough excuse!)

The volunteering came as another itch worked it's way in about 6 years ago - we had just moved and my youngest started Kindergarten. We were in the same area, just a new Elementary School. I decided that I need to get more involved, make new friends and do something worthwhile with my "free time." I sure did and before I knew it 5 years being heavily involved has passed. During that time, I lost weight, gained weight, lost it again, and gained it again. Major changes happened in our family: husband's work circumstances, daughter's transition to adulthood, my parents moved close by, several family members had surgeries of various kinds. The last year I was actively volunteering - my life got in the way big time until I had to just say "I'm sorry I'm not doing as much as president as I did last year but XYZ are happening and I just can't do as much." That year was what basically led to me doing less this year. I needed to devote time to something else and myself.

2016 my husband created a new company and I had to get used to him working from home full time, we lost a very close friend to cancer and my grandmother to Alzheimer's. It was a big transitional year all around and while many people said that 2016 was "THE WORST!" we took it as it was, and grew. While all this was happening, that itch started. Thus, why I re-entered the work force (albeit very part-time.) I also analyzed what I could do to help my husband in his business, also what I could do at home to make it more balanced and simplified.

I posted yesterday about my giant Monday of a month, so in all reality not much was done to further any ambitions. But the gears, they were spinning. I would tell my husband, "I've got something... it's spinning." My thoughts are going, I'm getting itchy, it's time to move out of the shadows into the spotlight, it's time to STRETCH myself away from what is comfortable and into a new area. (Enough metaphors?) I feel it and I have to be the one to make the first move.

So the STRETCH isn't anything major like moving, or going back to school, or having a full-time job in a completely different career. It's taking my energies and applying it to where my family needs it most right now.

The business - needs me to generate Social Media buzz, work on photography and marketing. I'll take a few courses, learn some stuff and feel like I'm pulling my weight while learning new things.

The family - needs me to learn to say "NO" to some of the outside endeavors and continue to make my home a better place. Right now organization (continued!) and family history are my focus. Basic stuff like healthy cooking and interesting activities are also part of the plan.

Myself - I need to feel better about myself.  One of those surgeries were mine, and it laid me up for several months. I needed it to help me take my "break" and cut down on commitments, but now I need to get my physical self back up to where I was. Then I need to focus my on interests by working on projects that make me happy. (So, quite literally I need to stretch because of my knee and back problems. I know that my exercises and yoga will help so much!) So, I started out talking about my "itch" but really instead of SCRATCH I really need to STRETCH. Honestly,  I need both! (Now I also literally am itching, so off to hunt down my hand cream....)


A Case of the Mondays

"January is like the Monday of the year" - that saying was created in our house, and I'm not sure if anyone else has felt that way but we sure do.

3rd Quarter at school and kids are burned out. No major activities and assignments so everyone starts to slack a bit.

Christmas is over and we just want to rest.

January is also like a Rainy Saturday where you don't have to do anything, so you don't. You read and curl up with a good book. Or Netflix show. (I read 10 books this month - retreat much?)

I just had a month of Mondays - and now, I guess it's Tuesday!

February. We made it through one month already, yeah! And January 2017 was a doozy (no, I don't want to talk about it. La-la-la-la - I can't hear you!)

February is one month closer to March, and I love March!

February is the month of chocolate, groundhogs, love, both my parent's birthdays and a day off of school. 

It's a short month, so that much closer to March! I love March (Not as much as June, but I do love March!)

So what do you do on Tuesday when you feel like you had a major case of the Mondays? You try to be positive and power through. If you haven't started any of your goals during the month of January - then I guess February 1st is a good day to get on it, because before you know it - it will be March (yay!) and then June (double yay!) and next thing the "crazy days" are back (Sept-Dec) and we start all over again.

My goal - write. In here. Anything that strikes my fancy or makes me think. Nothing political. (Maybe slightly) Mostly my inner thoughts and plans and desires and rants and raves. When I see something, read something and I get this thought 'Am I the ONLY one who thinks this?' It would be good to write it down and maybe someday start sharing. So now I stop "writing about writing" and get to it - with a subject and a topic and maybe even a conclusion!

For now, I'll leave you with a photo:

Our 16.75 year old cat sleeping on a Figment pillow (character from Epcot at Walt Disney World) 



New Beginnings

I have revamped this blog several times over, and even wrote about how I wasn't going to go back and delete anything on here.

I also have had tough times where I thought blogging would make it better. I have had a fitness blog, I have had a travel blog. I have had an anonymous mommy blog. This one isn't anonymous so I wonder if that is why I have stayed away? I have known it was here in the back of my mind but it only occurred to me today to return. I wanted to find a place to record some results of health experiments we are doing. I think I will go ahead and use this one.

I keep thinking "But I've missed so much..." However - why does it matter? Who cares if I haven't recorded every minute of my life. No one reads this anyway since I have stopped reading other blogs and linking back!

So, I'll start here. I may do videos. I'm still thinking about it.

I do know I need an outlet - and this is as good as any!