I realize as I look back, most of my "I need to change" thoughts are revolved around fitness, health and yes - weight. 

Mostly, I just want to change things up because more than my weight it's how I feel. I've dealt with depression before, and slowly as I get older anxiety becomes part of the problem too. For the past 4 years I was heavily involved in volunteering and this year I stepped back a bit because I felt I had to. I was fried and worn out. I started the school year having a knee surgery so I told myself I had to rest anyways - so I did less. Then, I got better but I still did less. I was "recuperating." Then, I could feel it. The depression was sinking in, I was ok but I wasn't. 

I found an article about "High Functioning Depression" and it fit me to a tee. Some of the quotes out of that article are: 

"From the outside I look like I have it all together, but the truth is I find everything exhausting. Getting up, eating breakfast, taking my kids to school ― all of it saps my energy. I walk around in a state of perpetual exhaustion"

"Just because I seem successful and look like I have it all together doesn’t mean I can’t be 5 minutes or one bad experience away from a total breakdown. And that fact scares the hell out of me."

I relate to these quotes very much so. I also have my husband home full-time, and it became easier to retreat because he was home - first taking care of matter the surgery and then just when I wasn't "feeling good." 

I'm working on figuring out if my hormones have a lot to say about this, and as well as my overall health and wellness. I know that eating better and being active helps, but it's hard to get started. We always eat fairly healthy, but it comes down to how many times we indulge the desire for treats, fried foods etc. 

I know that self-diagnosis isn't the way to go - but I have come down to a few conclusions about myself and am working on holistic methods to help alleviate the symptoms. 

1) I am fairly certain I have PCOS. I have OB/GYNs who won't diagnose me but I also don't bug them. Basically, I've had 3 different ultrasounds and I don't have cysts. BUT I very well may have the type of PCOS that doesn't produce large painful cysts, or I get them yet they haven't been discovered yet. Either way, I have all the symptoms so I am taking supplements that help with PCOS (whether I have it or not, it will still help the symptoms!) 
2) I've considered that I have fibromyalgia, but I'm not sure. So, I'm following diet and exercise that would alleviate the same symptoms. 

My goal is to see if I get results from the supplements and the diet/exercise. I am not on a certain plan. I'm not Paleo, I'm not AIP, I'm not low-carb. I try to eat fewer carbs and eliminate white bread and sugar. I will eat whole wheat, but I'm trying to limit it. I eat rice, oats, potatoes. I am trying to increase the protein but I still don't get there every day - but it's more than I used to! I haven't cut dairy, but if I don't get positive results after a few weeks I think I will try. I did trim caffeine, and only have some via a green tea drink. Yesterday I didn't have any, and I'm waiting for the withdrawals - today will be day 2 unless I have a Bai Bubbles later ; 

No reason for this blog really - except just to record it somewhere. To come back and check in on! 

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