I got a little wrapped up and carried away for a while. School, sports, music, life, house - it all gets to be a little crazy. The end of the school year is here and for some reason I'm finding myself thinking what I could've done. I don't know why I do this to myself. I have at least 10 things in my head with stuff that I'm thinking I didn't do right or should have done better.
Then, as my head spins around and around about little things here and there and it brings me back to an idea, 'I could blog about this.' THEN I realize how long it's been since I've blogged and the negative thoughts seep back in. Crazy cycle!
I have to learn this - that my life is my life. I need not live someone else's. I need not compare my blog activity, my children's achievements or my household appearance on anyone else. I also need not compare my life to some imagined standard that I must live up to.
One of things I'm thinking about today - there are several going on in my head right now - is that today was end of the year awards. Apparently, the 5th graders were told to "wear their best," and my son never returned home with that memo. It occurred to me that he shouldn't be wearing sport shorts and a t-shirt, but when he came downstairs in plaid shorts and a school t-shirt I deemed it ok. Somewhere in my head I thought about getting him a polo, but in reality I was too tired and I did ask him if they were supposed to dress up. Of course, he said no. Some kids were dressed like him, some were polo shirts and shorts, others were in a suit! In my head I beat myself up a hundred ways from Tuesday. "I should have known better, I should have listened to my gut. I had a kid go through 5th grade before, I should have remembered." Then I also blame him, "He should have listened to the teacher. He should have known better." All this for what reason? I make myself sick over it, when I can't change the past. What harm is there? Are people judging me for it? Maybe, someone actually asked if he wouldn't dress up, and I told her we just didn't know about it. He would had if he knew. Was he bothered by it? No - and that is what is important to me. I don't want to create what I have going on in my MY head. I linger on things when there is nothing that can be done, and it doesn't matter anyway.
I looked this up - and this problem is called "Rumination." Like a cow chewing it's cud. Over and over and over. I have big problems with this. I don't like it - and I went on a mission today to try and stop it, at least minimize it. I found this article:
6 Steps to Overthinking Your Life
I learned a few important things from this article. Here are the 3 that stood out for me:
1) Don't hash it out. Don't call people so you can "vent." I did this a little bit in this post, but like I said - I have quite a few going on in my head right now! You really don't do yourself any good by going over and over it again. So, I blogged about it and I'm done. I'm not going to talk anymore about it, complain about it, bug my son about it. It's over. Done.
2) Do something to keep your brain active. Do another activity. Play a game. I like this. I am going to focus on what today means for our family - celebrating the end of the school year and summer starting. I'm not going to stress about all the "what I could've done more this school year," and enjoy this moment. I'm proud of my children, I'm proud of being more involved at their school year, and I want to live every moment with them.
3) Mindfulness. I was really interested to find out that this problem of rumination can be a part of depression and practicing mindfulness can help with both. The act of mindfulness has been on my radar for quite some time and something that I really am trying to participate in. To see it again to solve my over thinking problem really gets me that kick I need to incorporate it more.
So that's that, any more talk and it can count as still "hashing it out." I'd like to add one more to the list. Go hug your kids and be grateful for your life. Being grateful for what you have at that moment can make you less concerned about either what you don't have, or what you think you should have.