Being Me and Living My Life!

Six Word Saturday - sacrificing my day for my children

2012-02-11T06:34:00.002-06:00

Driving to Austin for a conference.

I have no time, I'm pushing it by being online right now! Jeans are in the dryer and I should be getting mostly ready right now. In my goal to find my passion, I stumbled upon the Texas Association for Gifted and Talented Students. I found there is a conference this weekend, and I signed up. I have two boys, the oldest has been in GT since Kindergarten and the Kindergartner just qualified. I was in GT in school as well, and always thought "I never lived up to my potential" Or maybe I'm just hearing my teachers, and mother's words over and over in my head. ;) I hope to get some good information and find out more about the association, as well as advocacy. Our school district is very supportive of the program, but I want to make sure my child feels challenged. That is all - totally off topic of what I normally do here, but I'm running out the door!

What are you good at?

2012-02-06T11:45:00.000-06:00

Who are you reading that inspires you? I'm finding my way in this blogging world (another post churning in my head....) I'm reading a few people to get me started and this morning the post by The Gypsy Mama fits in perfectly with my February theme.

Her post for today is "What you’re not good at is only half the story" I highly recommend it!

This morning I have a list of things to do. It's all stuff I am capable of doing but I do tend to procrastinate. I tend to stress that I won't do it "right." I put off the housestuff until it's really bad or someone comes over to visit! I've had a hard time sleeping lately, and in turn I'm sleeping in way too late. (Yes, I realize the two are connected!) By the time I'm getting around to what I should be doing, it seems I have so little time because then those kids walk in the door and I feel like my "workday" is over. So, like Gypsy Mama, I was thinking about how frazzled I am. I had a list of things I'm not good at and what I could do better - how my floors really need a good cleaning (and I need to find a better method for cleaning my tile floors,) how I haven't done meal planning lately, how my projects sit undone and how I REALLY need to clean off my kitchen table!

Instead, to start today, I'm going to ~~copy~~ emulate her, and think of a list of stuff I am really good at.

I type fast - so anything I need to get done on the computer gets done pretty quickly.
I'm good at composing letters, memos, etc. for various meetings. (Which I need to do for tomorrow.) I summarize well and edit even better. (Don't apply this to my blogs, I do tend to ramble here and let it be what it is! That is it's purpose for me....)
I am spontaneous. We go for random Frozen Yogurt trips, make cookies at 7:30 at night, play a board game when they come home from school or go for a nature walk. I like that, and I think my kids do too.
I know where EVERYTHING is. I am organized, yet messy - go figure. I might have too much stuff, and I might have places for "random" stuff, and stuff goes unorganized - yet, I know where it all is! I am "The Supreme Finder Of All Things" in this house, and it has been proven many times over. I have been known to tell friends where their stuff is, in their own house. I'm THAT good.
I think I decorate well. May not be showroom decor, but I love what I do. I also bargain shop fantastically!
I shop for presents well. I love finding the perfect gift for someone. I really like doing it too, and see above - I am a fantastic bargain shopper.
I am not competitive, nor a sore loser. I am a good sport, mostly. I hate that my hubby tends to win but I rock it out at Trivia. No one can beat me there, and yes I could be more humble about it but it's really the one good thing I have. Not so hot at scrabble, words with friends, charades, pictionary, any physical sport or video games.
I learn quickly. (One bad thing though, I'm not the easiest to teach - especially if I'm not catching on....) I do like to teach myself!
I remember color. Show me the shirt or the pillow you want to match, I will go to the store with you and find the match nearly 90% of the time. Yeah, it's easier to bring it along just in case - but if I don't have it with me I can match it up pretty dang good, and it's a proven fact.

Thanks for going with me on this journey today, and thank you Gypsy Mama for the inspiration. I hope you don't mind the ~~plagiarism,~~ tribute. Mockery really is the best form of flattery!

Be What You're Like

2012-02-01T22:02:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite quotes comes from a They Might Be Giants song, "Whistling In The Dark." I used to sing this with my daughter and she ended up having a version of this engraved on her class ring.

"There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well
And that's be you,
Be what you're like,
Be like yourself"

It's a silly little song, but it has a cute message. Be what you're like. Be like yourself!

As I got more involved in playgroups, PTA and other events where mostly women congregate, I noticed one thing. We compare ourselves. We can do it in either direction (looking down on someone, or looking up to them.) However, most of us tend to have pangs of jealousy or envy when we see the woman who *seems* to be able to do it all. We see someone who is fit, well dressed, has cute and well-behaved children, someone who has a clean house, cooks dinners every night, volunteers in every capacity, makes homemade gifts and party favors and actually has time to read or take classes. There are people who exist like this. There are people who genuinely do this and do it well. Good for them.

The old story is that we don't know what is really going on in their life. What we want is for there to be a dirty secret. They have a bad relationship, they are secret hoarders in the rest of their house or they are on crack. Of course all this is negative, and I would never wish that was the case for anyone. Thinking that someone who appears perfect on the outside has this secret does help those who come off as anything but perfect. But it keeps the vicious cycle of comparison and jealousy going.

In this circle I see two types of people. Those who emulate and want to be that perfect mother and those who ridicule the lifestyle, making jokes about eating kids eating Cheerios off the floor. Actually, I hope there are 3 types of people, those who acknowledge we are a little of both. We can try to do better - clean the house, make healthier meals, volunteer more and at the same time be realistic noting that some things fall to the wayside, like folded clothing, stylish hair-dos and exercising everyday.

I enjoy the humor in all this, and there is plenty out there in the blog-o-sphere. But in the end, I have learned that we are all different. We can't try to be someone that we aren't. We can appreciate the person who has the ability to organize the fundraiser, and we need to acknowledge what we are good at. We might be great at reading stories in the library or helping with trays in the cafeteria. We don't need everyone to run the PTA meeting or cut out all the turkeys for Pre-K. We do what we can, and we base it off who we are. If you are at a point in your life where helping at the school isn't possible because right now you are taking care of twin toddlers and washing cloth diapers - then that is where you are and you are where you are needed.

We also need to find that time of our life where we are ready to step out of our comfort zone and trust that we can try something new. We don't have to be a copycat of that woman we look up to, but she can provide motivation of what we could do with our life to push ourselves just a little more. In the end, you have to be you, and be like yourself. I can't handle watching other women beat themselves up because of what they observe another woman do. I am not that woman, and I don't want to be her. My life, my husband, my kids and my lifestyle was made for me. If our life isn't making us happy, then it's up to us to make any changes we need to make our life what we want it. Not what we think it should be, but what we want it to be.

Be your self. Live your life.

I'm going to end with another favorite quote - from Dr. Seuss.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

On to Being Me

2012-01-31T10:42:00.000-06:00

I spent most of January talking about life, well most of January was not blogging because of everything else (i.e., Life!) However, when I did, it was about life. It was about how I wanted to just accept life and live it. Still learning that little tip.

This month, well - tomorrow, February, I want to focus on the first part of my blog title. Being me.

I used to be nostalgic of what I thought was "old me." However, "old me" didn't always make me happy either. I was fairly outgoing in my teen years, yet I was also impulsive and self-centered (which teen isn't?) When I got to college, I realized I wasn't as outgoing as I thought I was. Self-doubt and depression has been a part of my life for the past 20 years, and I looked to what I thought was "old me" often. 12 years ago I married the love of my life, and he knew me in the "old me" days. Some of that came back, and I was happy. I learned to find the old and mix in what I had learned over the years to create a "new me." For the most part I was happy with the "new me" but more depression and self-doubt had me questioning myself again.

The past 5 years I have been actively working on me. Physical me, social me, spiritual me. Some days, weeks, months and years are better than others. Recently I had my 20 year High School Reunion and I can say I went to that confident and didn't question who I was. It felt good. Yeah, I could have weighed 50 lbs less, but I really knew who I was and where I was in life. That was 6 months ago, and I already feel a "remaking" of me coming on! It's not a bad thing, I think it's our purpose in life. I've recently moved and gotten to know new people, and it's made me think more about how I appear. I had become complacent with myself and my attitudes with my friends I have had for the past 5 years. When you meet new people, you somehow end up evaluating how the current "real you" comes off.

One goal for this next month is to try and reach out to one friend a day. It doesn't seem that difficult, but just to spark an old friendship or kindle a new one. Be kind and be who I want to be. I enjoy being around others, and I think putting that out there will in turn rejuvenate myself into being more social, friendly and overall happier. I am grateful for friendships and this month I want to show it.

The other is just to start each day by paying some attention to me. I have to expend so much energy for others (family, school, etc.) that I get lost. Little things like watching a video or reading an article that interests me, or taking the time to make sure I have my favorite outfits and jewelry, make me feel more like ME. If taking care of others makes me forget what it is about myself I like, then I need to step back and change things. A key factor in that is getting enough sleep so I can wake up rested and get ready, not sleep in and rush around. I know that my day is better when I look nice, am properly nourished and get my "wake-up" time in the morning!

I'm getting old enough that I know what makes and keeps me happy! Call it routine, but I call it keys to happiness :)

Life gets in the way sometimes...

2012-01-23T09:06:00.000-06:00

I should have gotten up last night to write what was on my mind, but I was just too. tired. to. move....

The past 2 weeks have been a whirl. My oldest child, my daughter, had a pretty major surgery 13 days ago. I had lots of help here, my husband took time to work at home and my mom and step-dad were here as well. It was rough, the hardest part was seeing her in pain and we could do very little about it. The first week was every four hours with pain pills, every 2 hours with pillow adjustments and sometimes 4 hours at a time sitting with her comforting her because the pain pill never relieved her. Tears, stress, frustration and extreme tiredness. She got depressed sitting in her room and having no control. I got depressed stuck in a house for almost a week. There was a point when I thought, we aren't going to make it through this!

But of course, like all things - we did.

Last night we slept almost 7 hours, a first! I have been allowed to sleep while someone else took care of her but I still get up when I hear people moving around. Last night was 7 hours of solid sleep from head hitting the pillow to the "beep beep" of the walkie-talkie (her way of communicating with us!)

So - I had a goal to blog, and I probably should have through all this but I didn't. In my head 'Another thing started and given up.' But then, I had to tell myself 'No, you didn't give up because you are going back. Who cares? And isn't that the point of change, working toward a goal?' So.... all those thoughts in my head were spinning and I didn't really have a point this morning just that I am here, and I want to continue. I have things in my head that I want to express and I will continue to do so. My time is limited, but I'm not giving up.

Some randomness:

Hubby and I are starting eating better today. And then exercising next week. Eeks...

I am researching getting my Master's online. Double eeks!

I need to finish decorating my house, because I need to then start on decorating my mom's house, since she just bought one in my neighborhood! It's going to be a rental possibly, and then their "winter home."

I want to either scrapbook or make a t-shirt quilt, something to keep busy and feel accomplished.

I need to also finish the blog from my new house, it's been completed for 5 months and I have only 1/2 of the "The House is Done!" post up. Then, when I'm done decorating I'll do another one.

Life... we say it gets in they way, but it really is the way. We can't avoid it or let it sideline us. We just have to go with and enjoy the ride. Life is the ride, and if something takes us off our supposed course, well - maybe that course wasn't the right path in the first place! We must have needed whatever it was that happened. That really was the purpose of this blog in the first place. Learning to live in the moment and not keep saying "After..." I could say "After my daughter heals from her surgery, life will be normal." But instead, this IS our life right now and we can all live in it and learn from it.

See, I knew I should have come here sooner - all I have to do is take my own words of advice (from my own blog earlier!)

Enjoy this day, and live each moment!

Turning It Over

2012-01-09T23:29:00.000-06:00

I took my decision to "live in the moment" and "let things happen" just one step further today. Maybe two steps.

I need to tell a little bit of a back story without getting too much into detail first. My daughter was due to have a surgery last week, but another problem was there and that needed dealt with first. I was frustrated and did all the common things. Guilt that I hadn't done the right thing, frustration that the doctor had messed up and possibly given us wrong information, played the "what-if" game about things we could have done differently. All of this was due to stress and worry and doubt and frustration. I felt insecure, I felt out of control of my emotions, I felt how you feel when you don't put your best self forward. Our hopes was that the surgery be done sooner than later - due to his work travel, my parents staying here for only another week and her starting online college classes soon.... all things that we could have worked around, but ideally this surgery was best happening now in our mind.

Today, we went to the Dr. hoping that the surgery is going as re-scheduled tomorrow, and I have been praying. Surprisingly to me, my prayers were not "Make this happen because we want it to." I asked Him to "Please guide the Dr. to make the right decision and that the surgery will happen when it needs to, and that she gets the best possible care." This morning while waiting to see the Dr. I prayed and I continued to read 1000 Gifts (see previous blogs.) I felt overwhelmingly at peace.

During our wait time in the office, we could hear the Dr. talking to three other patients before us. Each of them were challenging him, either out of fear of the surgery or upset that things weren't going their way. I heard my voice in theirs. They felt guilty that maybe they hadn't done what they needed to to heal properly, they had doubt about this being the right choice for them and they questioned the Dr's decisions. He was very patient with each of them, and I realized he had also been with me last week. I was already very peaceful at this appointment, but sometime during the 2nd patient he spoke to, I realized something.

I had turned it over to God. I turned it over to the Dr's decision. I relaxed and I told myself whatever this Dr. came to tell us, I would say "Ok, thank you," and get the information needed to do the best for my child. I had no fear. I had no doubt. I felt as if my prayer of asking for the best for my child was going to be done with this decision made by the Dr. any minute now.

I don't do this very often. I tend to bargain with God. I ask for very specific things. Yesterday and today, I did ask for a specific thing but it was to have the right decision be made, not the decision I wanted made. In the end, it was what my husband and I were hoping for, but I was prepared to accept anything.

The rest of my day was also mostly peaceful (as it can be with a family of 5 and 2 visiting parents, 2 people in the house recovering from ailments, and so on...) I felt gratitude in every small thing. I have been listing my gifts, but not as many as I should. However, the act of doing so already in the first 9 days of this year have done wonders for my outlook.

I go into tomorrow hopefully still at peace, and continue to turn it to Him.

New idea - Six Word Saturday

2012-01-07T11:00:00.003-06:00

Unplugging and spending time with family.

There you go - that is my goal for today, this Saturday (which I'm now adding more than 6 words....)

Have a great weekend - and try the 6 Word Saturday! Linking up here:

It's not a habit yet... developing my attitude of gratitude

2012-01-06T14:06:00.001-06:00

I slipped back into "old ways" today. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, we all act or react in ways that don't make us proud. For the past few years I have REALLY worked on my behavior, tone, attitude with my family. Sometimes the initial snarky response still comes out and then I immediately correct and apologize. I have gotten so good that I can even edit in my head and have the positive response come first!

Enter stress. It makes me cranky. It makes me rude, and then I realize that others in my family are being rude too. So, thus the reason I am actively working on being better. Enjoying the moment, and not sweating the small stuff. What do I do when things go wrong? Try the Oh Well method and move on. Smile about it. Think of ways it could be worse and stay positive.

Except for today. Now, it wasn't just today. I've seen my attitude slipping around the holidays when we were hosting family and friends, children were busy and others in our family had medical needs. I think that was a lot of the reason I felt the Christmas Spirit lacking. New Year's Eve I was not feeling the joy that I normally do by entertaining friends, even though I really am glad we did. The small moments that don't quite feel right are what sparked me into more actively working on my gratitude and attitude.

Back to today. Medical needs again, long wait, not perfect news. After the visit the husband said to meet him for lunch. Ok, daughter and I are both not wanting to eat fast food, but sure. On the way, traffic and misdirection. All for lunch at a fast food place I could do without. What do I do? Greet the husband with frustration about the drive and complain that all that effort was made for something I didn't really want. Impression made? That I didn't want to spend the time with him, and a half hour where we could have been enjoying the precious moments were wasted. Sigh...

First off, I am so glad I have an amazing husband where this won't be an issue. It's just a small little pebble in our road of life, and our marriage has great off-road tires :) For myself though, to move on and really work on my attitude, I need to increase my gratitude. I am sorry for those hours where I could have been a happier person and also spread that joy to others.

I am thankful that I have a car that gets me were I need to go and live in a town where great medical care is 20 minutes away. I am thankful I have a husband who supports our family, and I get to stay home to deal with the medical, physical, personal, educational, spiritual and emotional needs of our children. I am also grateful he thought to spend his lunch hour on a busy day with his two girls. I am thankful we can afford the small luxuries like eating out every now and then. Mostly I am thankful for forgiveness that we can make mistakes and move on.

If you haven't read about the 1000 Gifts - I encourage you to do so! It's not to late to start recording your 1000 gifts!

January's Joy Dare

Life!

2012-01-01T23:59:00.002-06:00

The title of my blog is "Being Me and Living My Life!" In the window tab when I clicked 'Create Post' it says due to abbreviation: "Life! - Create post"

I started thinking when I saw this (because when I clicked "new post" I didn't really know what I was going to type) there it is "Life - create post" or as I saw it in my head "Life! - create a moment." That is what we all are trying to do. Sometimes we spend so much energy preparing for that moment, we miss all the other ones along the way. I am guilty of this, yet so actively working on overcoming this. For the past 10 years or so that I have been either blogging or active on forums, I have been intrigued by the thought of "When" I have written several posts on this, and I will continue with those thoughts today.

It's always "When." When my kids are older, when we have money, when we go on vacation, when I feel better, when, when, when. There are always reasons why you can't do things, and yes - kids, money, health are all reasons to wait. However, you don't wait on your life - you might just wait on a certain experience.

When my kids are older is a common one. I had to stop and realize that I needed to enjoy the moment that was happening. Yes, there are difficult stages in rearing children. But if you always wait for a phase to pass, there will just be another one waiting! Saying "Oh I can't wait until they sleep through the night" is not a terrible thing to say, however if you are not cherishing those moments of rocking your child back to sleep, then you are missing out on the real purpose of life.

There is a very frequently used saying that I adore, "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."(Vivian Greene) It is so true. Another great one is "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." (Abraham Lincoln) We can't keep waiting for a better day, we have a life that is now and we need to live it. THIS is what I think on a daily basis to keep me going. THIS is what I have to keep reminding myself. My previous post about Ben Breedlove I can't stop thinking about. We don't know how many years will be in our life, so we must make the most of our years.

It's life, so create something wonderful!

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.

Henry David Thoreau

Are You Proud of Your Life?

2011-12-29T14:21:00.003-06:00

I have seen this on several friends pages on Facebook but hadn't clicked yet. Today, I decided to watch it - knowing in general what it was about.

Part 1

Part 2

Part way through Part 2 he says, "I was proud of myself, of my entire life, of everything I had done." What an amazing thought for an 18 year old boy to have. And then, he passed just a few weeks later on Christmas Day.

I want to be at peace when it is my time to go. I want to say I was proud of myself. This is just another example to live life to the fullest, enjoy each moment and don't take anything for granted. Powerful message through the words he displays and the music playing in the background. I am so sorry for his parents, but they must truly be grateful for the years they had with him and that he was able to pass this message along to others.

Defining the purpose of my blog

2011-12-28T22:03:00.000-06:00

I have spent the past 15 years learning using many of the features of the Internet. I have done forums, blogs, social media, chat rooms, and more. My social use of the web has evolved over the years. I was very active in iVillage forums with the birth of my 2nd child. I later started a LiveJournal and joined a birth group for my 3rd child. I joined, and quit, MySpace. I blogged publicly and anonymously for a while. I found various other forums for my needs - weight loss, parenting, travel, etc. I joined Meetup and it was through there that I finally met real life friends that changed my life. Then, we all joined Facebook and it is still my main form of Internet socialization. I do have a Twitter that I once deactivated, yet decided to reactivate so I could read my daughter's tweets. I have many photo sharing websites and am on SparkPeople. I joined Google + and I have two other blogs for my house and my personal life. (Not used recently...) I have an eBay seller's profile as well.

This blog was at first an anonymous attempt at a Mommy Blog a few years back. I then deleted everything and made it a public family blog, which I also deleted and started over from scratch. When I had the idea to start a new blog, not anonymous and not a place to rant, I searched up and down for a good name. Finally, I logged in to this old blog and found that the address still was appropriate. Mom - Wife - Me. I am a Mom and a Wife, but ultimately I am ME. I named the blog "Being Me and Living My Life." It's the basics of who we are. I am me, I am living the life I am living. I am not living anyone else's live, nor should I try.

My prompt to start this blog was a reversion back to some of my old anxieties and insecurities. I had spent the past few years feeling really good about where I was in life, and that I was focusing on my personal mental and emotional health as well as making a culture and environment for my family. However, the stresses of the holidays and the presence of friends and family had me questioning myself again. It was then I wanted to write about living in the world today while being happy with who you are, how you are living and what you are doing. I want to continue my mantra of "Live in the Moment." It makes me sad to have beautiful moments we spend ruined by the demons in our head.

So the purpose of the blog is to #1) Keep me sane. Writing was very effective when I was on LiveJournal and a mother of a baby. It helped me vent and think through many things. #2) Help keep myself on the path I started a while back of enjoying each day for what it is. Live in the moment, don't sweat the small stuff and just breathe! #3) I feel that maybe my words, thoughts and actions can help someone else or someone else can read what I am going through and have words to inspire me. I have already found a few blogs that have a spirt that I want to emulate. I hope that through them, and others I will find later I can create a community of like-minded people.

One thing - a disclaimer. My goal for this year is to be positive. That is not to say the negative things don't happen. I will probably be down at times, but it is my nature and my goal to try to see the silver lining in all things. I have been told that being a "Pollyanna" isn't being genuine, but it is my personality. Of course there are emotions and thoughts that I won't put out there for the world to see, but know that all of my posts are genuine. At the same time, I don't want to come off as everything being picket fences and warm chocolate chip cookies. Of course we all have our struggles. I may chose to not have them all in a public forum, but know I go through them the same as everyone.

And lastly, please be nice. :) We are all in this world together, and I know that most people don't mean others any harm. I truly don't understand the venom that can occur online and in the comments section. I have an article I will link to in a few weeks that talks about this, but I am asking my readers to respect everyone's thoughts and opinions - including my own.

Thank you - I realize this is a new blog and there isn't much to go on yet, but I hope you stick around and see what I have to say!

Finding Inspiration - Gratitude

2011-12-27T09:26:00.004-06:00

I was awake the night of Christmas, well the early morning after Christmas, with thoughts racing through my head. It was a good Christmas, but I couldn't help feel that maybe things could be better. Don't we always think that? I don't mean better like we got better presents, but I felt that over the years we had slipped away from the true meanings of the holidays even though I attempt to instill it in my children's head. Overall, I do think it was a great day but there was a nagging feeling about a lot of things that evening. This year has been wonderful for our family, yet I felt feelings of anxiety about the year to come. I laid awake and thought about starting a blog. I've had personal and family blogs before, but there were thoughts I felt I wanted to share. I knew the feelings I had weren't my own, and that other parents out there struggled with many of the same feelings I had. Insecurity, anxiety, guilt, depression, stress, worry and more. I don't like when those things get in my way - and I decided I was going to actively work on reducing those from my life. My thoughts turned to all those articles and websites about "simplifying your life." Yes, that is what we need - information about how to go back to basics and simplify things. But wait, I realized that many things in my life aren't simple and I don't mind that at all. So, chaos exists - the question is how to live in the chaos and enjoy it! That is my goal for this year. Being mindful, appreciative and accepting of all that is around me. Live in the moment is my mantra, and I'd like to find ways to enhance that spirt for the new year.

Today, I found a website and book that I think might help me along this path. I am ordering this book, One Thousand Gifts

She has a website and blog - which I am following A Holy ExperienceAlso, there is a free app - One Thousand Gifts, which I just downloaded. There are many ways to access this, also at this website One Thousand Gifts

I encourage you to look at this, and see how it can fit in your life. I look forward to having more gratitude in my life, and also be an example for my family.